A Ward of Awards

From the hype I'm forced to wade through in order to get to my e-mail lately, it's apparent that The Academy Awards are soon scheduled to be televised. The names of movies I've never heard of and photos of actors I've never seen before are plastered all over the home page of the site that hosts my e-mail account. Oodles of inane information regarding the subjects are on display. Everyday a poll is exhibited soliciting my opinion on matters that I couldn't possibly care less about. Wasn't there another film award show celebrated just a couple of weeks ago? Or, was that a music award show? It seems that every manifestation of human endeavor has an award ceremony associated with it these days. In Western civilization, that is. Or, Western 'snivelization' as Herman Melville called it. Umpteen beauty contests, sports awards, cooking prizes, hotdog eating competitions, best dressed man and woman, most well-groomed dog, longest frog leap and grasshopper hop, singing and dancing award shows, longest snoring, loudest belching (not to be confused with the singing show) and on and on they go. I mean, a person in the U.S. who hasn't won an award for something or another by the age of thirty must feel like one worthless son-of-a-bitch. In India, everyday of the year is devoted to honoring one of a plethora of deities. In the U.S., everyday of the year is devoted to honoring some human specimen who is esteemed as a deity.

It used to be that most people were content to glean satisfaction from doing what they had chosen to do and doing it to the best of their abilities. Public acclaim was of no importance to them. What mattered most was how they appraised their accomplishments. They weren't looking for medals and statuettes or a guest appearance on some fawning, asinine talk show. Now they're obsessed with public acclaim and there are no depths of self-degradation that they won't plunge in order to achieve it. To quote from a brilliant essay on the subject entitled 'Fame', "Recognition for achievement is not the issue. It's the achievement of recognition that matters". (Not to sound overly self-important but, I happen to be on pretty close terms with the author of that piece.)

As an adolescent, I would occasionally fantasize about being the recipient of some highly respected award. Most Valuable Player when the Cubs won the World Series, for example. The problem there is that even if I were the greatest ballplayer to ever wear a Chicago Cub uniform no MVP award would come my way because the damn Cubs are never going to win a World Series. Receiving an Academy Award for Best Actor was another fantasy. I've still got drafts of acceptance speeches collecting rodent droppings stashed away somewhere. They were good, though. Certainly different from the tiresome, disingenuous drivel that most honorees spout. I didn't waste time thanking anybody which shortened the speech considerably. As I recall, the general tenor was, "Well, for christsake, who deserves this naked statuette more than me? And, what the hell happened to its genitals? Now I'm going back stage to fondle some starlets."

I've just been informed that next week there will be an award ceremony to honor competitors in the 'Ducking for Apples World Championship'. And when it comes to ducking for apples, as Dorothy Parker said, "There but for a typographical error, is the story of my life."

Morgan McFinn is from Chicago and currently resides in Cambodia with his wife. He has a B.A. degree in Philosophy from Georgetown University. Much of his work should be considered humorous and fictionalized memoirs. There are also satirical essays. Location settings include Thailand, Cambodia, India, Burma, Morocco and Greece. Excerpts and reviews are available at his website: http://www.morganmcfinn.com

Source: http://articles.submityourarticle.com/a-ward-of-awards-317130

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